Look Up and See the Fireworks

Tonight I went for a run to clear my head of some pretty dark things. For some reason the past crept in and was haunting me like Casper. I went for a run (which I hate doing) and I pushed through the suck. I mean, it really sucked. Really.

And then as I was running, head toward the ground, deep in thought.. someone yelled from their front porch, "Look up and see the fireworks!" Who me? Is that you vodka? .. I looked up and sure enough there on the horizon were fireworks cracking and lighting up the midnight sky. How had I missed the booms? I let out a short laugh and turned back to yell "Thank you!" The voice surprised me again with, "It'll give you something nice to look up at!"

Okay, for real God? I swear he does these things to get a little chuckle to himself. But how true that voice was. What a simple and literal statement yet with such a profound meaning for me. For in that moment of deep thought as I ran, I questioned "why?" Why me? Why do I have to do these things? Why is this happening? Why now? And whatever "this" is isn't really the point. The point is that I questioned and I questioned how I could find the strength to follow through. 

The answer was pretty simple and thankfully someone was nice enough to shout it out for me. Look up and see the fireworks. The fireworks ended a minute or two later and I did another lap around the neighborhood as I let that sink in. As I came back around to the house where the woman yelled to me, I thought I might really thank her for the pick me up, but she had already gone in for the night. A few more houses down and I felt a tug in my hip.. great a pulled muscle is not what I needed. It hurt a little and I slowed to a walk with my hands on my hips. Naturally I lifted my head to the sky and then I saw it. The sky filled with countless stars. An endless amount of twinkling fireworks. 

Ohhh, that's what God meant.
In Genesis 26:4, God told Abraham, "I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars..." 

We are the stars. We are the fireworks, my friends.

Whatever has you down today, forget it. 

Look up and see who we are. 

Look up and see the fireworks!

The Giving Bowl

A few years ago I packed my entire life into my tiny little two door Chevy Cobalt and drove cross country to a little mountain town east of San Diego. I consider that Summer in Julian, CA to be one of the best summers of my life and if circumstances allowed, I'd go back in a heartbeat. A lot changed for me that summer. I moved so very far away, to be closer to the Marine that I had fallen in love with. And then I got engaged AND married. All in one summer. But those are just the big things. The most noted. 

I've always been a giving person, whether it a hug, a laugh, or a gift. I like to give. I like to see others happy. I give and give and give. And eventually the bowl that I've been giving from runs out. Empty. 

It was during my counsel for Brown Rag (Read more on the YMCA Ragger Program here) that my mentor used this analogy. In all of the two weeks that I had been at camp, he already saw this in me. I knew it was true but I was a bit creeped that he knew. And do you know what I did.. I avoided him every chance I got after that. I told other what a creep he was and chimed in if he was the topic of conversation. What an awful person I was, seriously. 

The funny thing is, those words never left me. That metaphor has stuck in my mind like glue. I've used it several times in arguments with my husband. When I've felt neglected in our marriage I've said that my bowl is empty and it isn't fair that I fill his and everyone else's while mine is left gathering dust. It's not fair. 

At least that's how I thought it worked.

Turns out I missed the important part of my mentor's message and over the last few months I've really been thinking about this metaphor and what he was really trying to say. I am a giver, and unless someone refills my giving bowl, eventually I will run out, burn out, become frustrated, empty, depressed, yada yada yada. I could go on and on about what my empty bowl could feel like and what it has felt like. But I was under the impression that someone else needed to fill my bowl, kinda like a you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours kind of thing. Yea, it doesn't work that way. 

I have found someone to fill my bowl though. And his love fills it endlessly. In fact most of the time now, it's overflowing. I've found that coming to know Christ, and I mean really knowing him, not just his name and birthday. Really knowing him deeply, knowing his love has given me what I needed all along. His love fills my heart and my "bowl". He gives to me so that I can give to others. When I need strength I can look to Him. When I feel lost or lonely, I know that I am not alone. When I worried that I may not have enough love for two children, he supplied. He does that for you and me. For everyone and anyone who has accepted him as their savior. That is amazing and I'm so thankful that I was able to plug him into the metaphor that was shared with me years ago. Though there is no doubt in my mind that that was not a chance meeting. Summer Camp, My mentor, those words... they were no accident or coincidence. That my friends, was an act of God. A real life intervention. I just had to wait a little while for the revelation. 

That being said, I think it's important to know that when you share the word of God, someone may not seem like they are listening. They may not seem to have heard your message. And maybe, just like me, they will just blow you off time and time again. Be patient. You don't need to know where they go, or when God find's them. just know that your words are part of the journey. 

My Baptism 2013

God always finds his people.

Thanks Rich.