Marriage and my Husband

Sometimes, I get in this weird mood where I feel the need to write something but I just don't know what  something is. And then I pretend I'm doing something on the internet for an excuse to touch the keyboard as if my fingers will get some sort of magical inspiration from. 

They don't. 

...Ever. 

But sometimes while I sit here pretending, my mind wanders to just the right place. And tonight, it keeps taking me back to my husband. Or to him, rather. 

Not to be all mush-mush but I love him so stinkin' much. 

There are people that are probably under the impression that my marriage is a fairy tale. It's been stated. And while I am super happy and love is overwhelming and very much mutual in our home, my marriage is no fairytale. 

I'm here to tell you that marriage is HARD work!

 It means biting my tongue way more than I want because I've learned to choose my battles wisely. 

It means sacrificing many things near and dear to me because we operate as a team now. 

It means loving NO MATTER WHAT. 

Sometimes my husband makes me incredibly mad! (like claiming that he doesn't believe in celebrating Valentine's Day - and apparently anniversaries - only after we got married).

 There are days that I get so worked up just thinking about how mad he makes me. Seriously, I get furious sometimes - but I've realized that I almost always get furious when he's not around. He could be at work, outside, in another room or most likely, sleeping. And I just get so mad thinking about whatever the latest and greatest is that he's done or said.. or the lack of either.

 But I love him. And no matter how mad I get, whenever he comes back or wakes up the anger usually fades. If it doesn't, please believe that I just go ahead and speak my mind. Though I'm not really as intimidating as my overly-confident statements make me sound. But guess what?! My husband loves me too, and so when I speak my mind.. he listens. He doesn't always agree and the problem is never fixed over night, but we don't stay angry. We work on things.. Together. We talk.. A lot. and if things aren't right.. we keep trying. Because we made a promise.. until death do us part. And that's one promise I intend to keep.

P.S. I confessed my anger about him not believing in celebration on V-day, because well I believe in small gestures - I got "I'm sorry" flowers the next day. Though that was NOT the point I was making... A simple "good morning, I love you" text or hand made card would have sufficed, but I do love my flowers =)

And for those of you who cry (like my husband) that Valentine's Day is a hallmark holiday and love should be shown every day, you don't need an excuse to do so yada yada yada... You're right, it probably is. But ask yourself this, when is the last time you brought your significant other flowers for no reason. Or made him/her a card just to say I love you.  Or did any number of the things you did while you were dating. You get married, you have kids,  you become more parent than you are a couple. Don't think of it as an excuse, think of it as a reminder. That you need that time too.  And if you really do do those things on the daily and aren't just using that as an excuse to get out of celebrating, then I bet you already had a bangin' dinner planned anyway =) 

How I Met Your Father.

My husband re-enlisted in the United Sates Marine Corps this week, and I could not be more proud. I am so proud to be standing beside such a dedicated, loyal, caring and well respected man. 

He's something = )

The truth is though, I can't believe we're already here.

At this point. 

Married, two kids, re-enlisting, PCSing soon.

Seriously.. when did that happen?

Seems like just yesterday we were strangers falling in love. 

Okay, so maybe this isn't exactly how I'll explain it to my kids one day, 

but here's how it all began....

I was 18, just twelve days after my high school graduation when I left my own military training.  I was off to Basic Training for the United States Air Force in Texas. I signed my life away the summer before my senior year. Turns out it wouldn't be my whole life =) I was scared, nervous, excited. 

I survived. and Honestly I would love to share stories from my boot camp experience but so much of it is blurred by the sleepness nights and endless marching that I don't remember much. I have a few short memories, but for the most part, those weeks remain a fuzzy haze. 

(P.S. I can't tell you how many of my friends probably don't even know that. But, here's proof.)

Tom and I at Tech School

After Basic, I moved right across the street.. literally - for more training.  I was lucky in that a few friends of mine from basic would be in my tech school. Tom, was one of the first people I met when I got to Basic on that first night and she quickly became my wingman in tech school. 

She's a character. Borderline crazy, but awesome nonetheless. We did everything together. 

(I should probably dedicate a few posts to some of those crazy stories later.) Anyway, like normal 18year old girls that just spent the last two months with 60 other woman 24/7... we we're a little boy crazy. Just a little. 

Tom's brother was a Marine at the time, and I can't tell you how many times she told me that we needed to find the Marines on base. Though it was an Air Force base, she swore there had to be some somewhere. I wasn't so sure.. and how do you find them anyway?

Turns out, they just find you. And you really can't miss them. It's the hair... or something?

We went bowling one night and a few guys ended up taking the lane next to us. (My husband has since told me that they actually requested that lane in hopes of getting lucky with the girls occupying the other half. Sly move.. sly move.) I don't remember my husband much from that night, other than him telling me he was from Michigan - being from Ohio, I obviously got excited about someone being close to home, but I had never heard of his town so that quickly faded. 

Tom ended up hitting it off with one of the guys, got his number, made plans, started talking... you know the drill. I was less enthused. But they made plans for a weekend and she was trying to get me to go with her (we couldn't go anywhere alone). She was meeting up with this guy and his roommate downtown for a date and since the other guy "thought I was cute" I needed to go.. she says. 

What other guy? (There were a few the night we went bowling) 

.. The one from Michigan... 

No thank you, he's too short. (Apparently the only other thing I remembered about him from that night),  and so she told him.

He said I should go %&#(*% myself.  Sweet, isn't he?

But Tom couldn't find anyone to go and I couldn't let her go alone, so we went. 

And we split almost immediately after meeting up with the guys. 

My night was slightly awkward. 

The only picture I have of us in Texas:

it's awkward, I know... but it sums up so much.

Until he took me on a boat ride and used his sweet talk.

Don't let my husband fool you now with his harsh words and bad ass attitude... he's a total softy.

Always has been. 

And the rest is really history. We hit it off and kept talking, seeing each other every weekend until he left to his new duty station in CA. Granted, that was only a month later. I stayed in Texas for two more months after that and went back to Ohio where I was a part of a National Guard unit and started college.  

Lucky for us, our home towns are only about 2 hours apart. So between me going to CA to see him and him coming home on leave, we were able to see each other about every 2-3 months. Now that we're married and he's stuck with me forever it's REALLY great that our hometowns are so close.. I could not imagine trying to visit family if we were from further states.

First visit...

It worked. And after I got out of the military (the only thing keeping me in Ohio), I got a job at a summer camp and moved to California. 

My husband proposed that summer, we got married a month later and in just over a year we moved to Japan and had our first baby. How crazy. And now we have two. 

Just nuts.

It still blows my mind to think about the way that everything in my life has aligned so perfectly to bring me to here and now. And how completely happy I am with that, even though I know 6 years I would have called myself insane. 

It's the little things.

A friend of mine invited us last minute to go see Christmas lights at the local zoo last night. My husband hadn't made it home yet, but I REALLLY wanted to go. I love Christmas lights and went to see lights at the Toledo Zoo every year when I was growing up. 

And it was the last night!! 

My husband got home shortly after and decided he didn't want to go since he had just got home and had to work early today. But he suggested that I take Keegan. So I obviously did! It was awesome. They had a snow area with "real" snow and a snow blower (the kind that makes snow).  ...Keegan is such a tropics baby, he does not like snow... How will I ever take him to Ohio in the winter?!

Anyway, the real awesome part was when I came home. I have been feeling pretty crappy and extremely tired lately,  so my house has taken the backseat. 

We got home around 9:45 and my house was clean!!! 

The dishes were even done! 

If you knew my husband, you'd know what a rarity this is. He hates doing the dishes.

 But they were done. 

And so was the laundry. 

And the carpets were vacuumed. 

One happy lady right here! 

;)

via

But it gets better. 

Ronin woke up around 1am and as I fought my way out of bed, my husband beat me to it. He woke up to change him and put him back to sleep. I was so tired, you have no idea how much those 10 minutes of extra sleep meant.

I'm so lucky to have a husband who knows exactly when I need him most and knows just how I need him. I woke up this morning feeling so much better! 

I love my husband and all the little things he does for me.

=)

To feel important.

 

 

Lately, I have been having those days.Those days where nothing goes right, the kids are screaming, the house is a wreck, and my husband won't be home for another few hours.And most of the time, while I'm juggling five or six tasks at hand and trying keep my sanity and composure intact, I can't help but feel small.

 

And unimportant.

And that although I have many things to do, they're not important.

 

And then I think, if only..

 

If only I could finish college.

If only I had stayed in the military.

If only I could find a job that wasn't bottom of the ladder.

If only...

 

Because then I might feel important. And then my husband will know that I am important.

That what I do matters. That I am making a difference.

 

I feel that way sometimes. And sometimes I desperately say things fishing for some kind of verbal confirmation that my thoughts are wrong. That I shouldn't think if only, because what I do IS important.

 

My husband is most often caught in direct fire of those desperate pleas and being the ever so stubborn and quick man that he is, he often catches on to the fact that I'm looking for him to tell me something and of course then refuses. Because he's stubborn.

 

And I get mad, because I know he does this and damnit, can he just tell me I'm important?

But the truth is, even though there are moments where I feel small, overwhelmed and as if my daily tasks do not matter, I know that is false.

I am a Mother and a Wife. I work full time. I go to school and I have my own business. I am a military spouse. I am expected to move every few years and start all over. And I do. I am resiliant. I have my days, but they make me stronger. Because there's never been a day that I haven't made it through. With everything that has been thrown at me, no matter how overwhelmed I have become,  or how negative my thoughts have been, I have not given up. I am here, still mothering and still married. Still working, still going to school. Still moving.

 

I am important. & whatever I do, matters.

To someone.

 

My children need me.

It is important that I feed them, change them.

Nuture them, and teach them.

I make a difference to them.

Within them.

& For them.

They need me.

 

My husband, stubborn as he may be, needs me.

It is important that I stay strong and resiliant.

He is a Marine, and that's his job.

But I am his wife, and he needs me.

He needs me to be patient, and to listen.

To hear his fears and join in his excitement.

To say, "We can do this!"

He needs me to take care of things while he is away.

To raise our children as they should be.

I make a difference to him.

He needs me.

 

And I know that those are true, even on days when I feel otherwise.

 

 

 

Please know, that even when your child is naked, screaming, and running rampant while you attempt to cook and clean with the other on your hip...

 what you are doing is not worthless.

 You are not worthless.

 You do matter.

And what you are doing matters.

 

Because you are a woman.

You are a mother.

You are a wife.

And whether you're just one of those, or all three, you are important.

And whatever we do...

...big or small.

It matters.

To someone.

 

 

 

Trying to Hate You.

 

 

 

Dear Husband,

 

I try really hard, you know.

And I'm not talking about keeping up with the boys and all the housework...

and school, and work, and my blog.

I try really hard with all that too, but that's not what I'm talking about.

 

I'm telling you I try really hard to hate you.

 

Because I hate that you work ten times as much as you don't.

I hate that I have to sleep alone, more than half the month... every month.

And I hate that that means I have to wake up alone, more than half the month.. every month.

 

Because I hate that when you're running late or get caught up at work, you don't call or text.

I worry, you know. And I hate that when I finally call you, you act like it's no big deal.

 

Because I hate that you don't notice the little things like my new shirt or the way I extra super deep-cleaned the house.  

 

Because I really do hate the way you think you know me so well. I hate when I'm excited to tell you something and you finish the sentence or story.

 

Because I hate your lack of planning. And I hate that even when there is a plan,  you're always late so it never happens, unless of course it's your plans.

 

And Because I really really hate that no matter how hard I try, no matter what angry lunatic speeches I have planned for you, the second you walk in the door I fall in love all over again and it's as if nothing happened.. unti you're gone again.

 

I hate it, I really do.

 

xo, Your Loving Wife