Vagina... yep, I just said that.

Vagina.

Vagina.

Vagina.

Feeling uncomfortable yet? Seriously though, why is that word so taboo? It's not like I used the "p" word or the awful "c" word. I said vagina. That's politically correct, I think. 

Maybe you're not used to talking about your vagina, and if that's you, just x out now. 

Because we're about to talk about vaginas. I have one. Cool, right? I've had it my whole life and yet I feel like there is so much I don't know about it. Why does it have to so mysterious?! I'm guessing because in America it is just so inappopriate to discuss anything related to intercourse.. i.e. the penis and vagina, since they go hand in hand in the act. Though various other provocative things are not inappropriate? Yes, I think it's backwards. 

Seriously though, I had a procedure done today to take biopsies of my vagina and cervix and there was a young corpsman present along with the doctor. This corpsman was so awkward the entire time. He couldn't look at me, probably for fear of seeing a vagina.. but his tone of voice when he had to actually use the word and talk about it was slightly uncomfortable... and that's his profession!!

Maybe I'm just overly under-modest  but I do not get it.

and that's my rant.

Dear Ash: February 1,2013

Welcome to Dear Ash, a Friday night advice column inspired by the late Dear Abby. 

Have a question, need advice?

 Shoot me an email at laugh_with_ash@yahoo.com and maybe you'll be featured next week.

Dear Ash: Does it get better living here [in Okinawa]? -Miserable

Dear Miserable: Home is where you make it. You hate it here because you've not accepted it as your home. I imagine the military has brought you here, as it has for most of us, and if that's the case, then you might as well get used to it. You're going to be moving A LOT. Get out of your house. Go make friends. Learn some key Japanese phrases. Venture into off-base establishments. Do not be afraid. If you're really desperate, have kids.. they're great pawns for meeting people. 

Dear Abby:    I have always wanted to have my family history traced but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any Suggestions? - Sam in Cal

Dear Sam:    Yes. Run for public office. 

Have a great weekend everyone =)

Trying to Hate You.

 

 

 

Dear Husband,

 

I try really hard, you know.

And I'm not talking about keeping up with the boys and all the housework...

and school, and work, and my blog.

I try really hard with all that too, but that's not what I'm talking about.

 

I'm telling you I try really hard to hate you.

 

Because I hate that you work ten times as much as you don't.

I hate that I have to sleep alone, more than half the month... every month.

And I hate that that means I have to wake up alone, more than half the month.. every month.

 

Because I hate that when you're running late or get caught up at work, you don't call or text.

I worry, you know. And I hate that when I finally call you, you act like it's no big deal.

 

Because I hate that you don't notice the little things like my new shirt or the way I extra super deep-cleaned the house.  

 

Because I really do hate the way you think you know me so well. I hate when I'm excited to tell you something and you finish the sentence or story.

 

Because I hate your lack of planning. And I hate that even when there is a plan,  you're always late so it never happens, unless of course it's your plans.

 

And Because I really really hate that no matter how hard I try, no matter what angry lunatic speeches I have planned for you, the second you walk in the door I fall in love all over again and it's as if nothing happened.. unti you're gone again.

 

I hate it, I really do.

 

xo, Your Loving Wife

 

 

 

 



 

 

Labor: What they won't tell you!

Okay, let’s talk about GIVING BIRTH!

 Mostly about what no one told me.

Giving birth is a beautiful thing. It really is, no matter how cliché it sounds. I know, I’ve done it TWICE! And both times I was in awe.

To know that I helped create life.

My body was a vessel for another being for almost 10 months. How cool is that?

How lucky am I? Because not everyone is as blessed as I am to be able to even carry a child.

It’s just beautiful.

Creating life, that is.

…Because let’s face it, the whole labor thing is one ugly, wretched, awful, excuse my language, bitch.

Someone has probably told you not to worry, because although it hurts (Very much an understatement) and it can sometimes last a long time (also an understatement), once you have your baby in your arms, you’ll forget all about the labor.

This might be true, but I’d like to put a very large sum of money on the fact that my husband will NEVER let me forget what happened during labor. I’m sure he’s also not going to let a lot of other people forget what happened during my labor, so I’ll just beat him to the punch and fill you all in.

I expected lots of things to happen while in labor.

 I expected to be in pain, and I was, oh yes I was!

I expected to be all wet and leaky with amniotic fluid, and I was.

I expected to feel a little sick and possibly throw up, and I did.

I expected to be moody and tired, and I was.

I did NOT expect to have an uncontrollable bowel movement, but oh yea.. I did that too!

Yep, you read that right. I just could not stop pooping!

I had been in active labor for about 6 hours when I started to feel my contractions again (for the first time after getting the epidural... maybe 4 hours prior.) They were a painful but not as excruciating as before I got the epidural. Every time I had a contraction, I felt the urge to poop. Normal right? I mean at least I thought so. I actually got excited because I had the same sensation just moments before I was told I was ready to push with Keegan. So I thought for sure I was having a baby in the next ten minutes!

I let Mikael know and told him just to wait a few more contractions to see if it keeps up before he got the nurse.  

There was another contraction… and there was the urge to poop. Okay, baby soon?

And then again. And again.

And then… what the heck was that?!

I can only imagine the look on my face when I told my husband I thought I pooped my pants!

He laughed at me and let me know that wasn’t possible since I wasn’t wearing pants. Thanks smartass…

...But I think I just pooped myself! I made him hand me a box of tissues and find the baby wipes I saw the nurse use earlier.

Sure enough that just happened to me.

The contractions that had me gripping the bedrail not even 5 minutes before had suddenly been masked by an overwhelming amount of embarrassment.

And every time I had a contraction, more and more just kept coming out… seriously? My husband oh so graciously donned blue surgical gloves and held open the trash bag for my wipes and tissues. I know, I scored a real keeper didn’t I?

That has to be true love.

...literally

After about 15 minutes of this, the nurse came in and I let her know I was having an uncontrollable bowel movement, to which she responded by asking me if I wanted her to “clean me up”…

What? ... No!

I’m embarrassed enough that it’s even happening and you think I want you to wipe my ass… Please let me keep a little bit of my dignity… She swore this happens all the time and she didn’t mind because it was her job…

Yea, I just kept “cleaning” myself as it came... I was so embarrassed that I didn’t even notice my contractions anymore.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide!

The nurse did check my cervix though, since an involuntary bowel movement can be a sign that the baby is bearing down and ready to come out.

And he was.

So she called in the doctor and rest of the team. In less than 20 minutes and 10 pushes, Ronin was born.

And that was beautiful.

I was embarrassed and swore I would never tell a soul, but it happened and that’s real. And maybe just a little funny… now. I know I’m not alone and I won’t be ashamed. I might not forget about this labor, but at least I’ll laugh about it. Hope you do too.

Are we there yet? : 39 weeks

Seriously? Are we there yet?

 I am the most impatient person in the world, and pregnancy recieves no special treatment! I am ready to be done with pregnancy and more importantly, welcome my new baby boy.

Today I am 39 weeks, officially. ONE MORE TO GO! And of course I'm hoping it is less.

I started my maternity leave from work earlier this week and am eagerly waiting.

With K I tried every gimmick I read about online to get him to come early.. except castor oil. There is no way you'll ever find me drinking that. I did eat three whole pineapples in one sitting though, and I'm pretty sure that worked...and it left my mouth raw and numb for a week.

I haven't tried so many this time around, but I've definately been walking and seducing my husband more than usual! I'm told those are the two best methods to get the baby out.. I obviousy haven't had any luck yet.

As impatient as I am, I cannot complain. This pregnancy (as well as my last one) has been easy. There were days where I honestly forgot I was pregnant until little guy would kick me square in the ribs.

Morning sickness was minimal and late night cravings never existed. Yes, yes... all that cake that I blamed on the baby... well, I just needed an excuse!

I've only gained 20 pounds and have suffered no swelling! I can still do the daily things I did before, and just yesterday I hiked up a castle ruin (post on that coming soon!).

I suppose I am lucky because pregnancy has not ruined my day to day nor has it made me overly uncomfortable.

I am just impatient. I want the excitement now. I want my baby, now. 

And in two weeks you will find me saying that I miss this.

I will miss the baby rolling around in my belly.

Oh pregnancy, the things you do to me.

What about you? What was/is your pregnancy like?

Anyone as impatient as me?

Did you try to "self-induce" labor? How?

Linked-Up: Me, Myself and I

 

 

I'm still a little lost wandering around the blogging world.. who knew it could be so big and full of all things wonderful and crazy?

 

Every blog I visit I find "linky" posts or something to that extent. Just another way to network, but HOW COOL!

 

Anyway, here is my first linked-up post.

 

 

 

1. When you're feeling down, what do you do to pick yourself up?

 

Easy. I bake, because baking means eating something delicious! There was never a brownie or peice of cake that couldn't cheer me up.. I guess that's just the inner fat kid in me! =)

 

2. If you had to live in another time period, which would it be?

 

I love the 80's, the big hair, spandex and cutoff sweaters.. but I'm totally a hippie at heart.

I'm also a romance novel addict and I get so wrapped up in the one that take place centuries ago! I'd love to live by candelight and travel everywhere on foot or horseback, sometimes I think our lives are just too overcrowded. We miss so much by being bombarded with technology.

 

3. What is the most creative halloween costume you've ever worn?

 

I'm so proud of my toga!! This was a few years ago when I first got married and had no money!! I put the whole outfit together myself, using a sheet I already had and a few cheap accessories from Michael's. I think I spent less than $10.00 and it was CUTE!

 

4. FIVE Wierd things we wouldn't know about you without being told?

 

1. I am seriously scared of the dark, I still sleep with a night light!

2. I wash my dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.. my only germophobic habit.

3. Since I moved to Japan, I've developed a weird obsession for elephants... I'm not even sure why I love them so much.

4. I am self-concious about my height. Sometimes I make my husband measure ourselves against the wall and mark with a pencil just to make surehe's still a quarter inch taller than me =)

5. I have no wisdom teeth, lucky me! They just never came in.

 

5. What would you tell your 16-year-old self?

 

Everything is worth it, even if none of it makes sense.

Nothing is going to go as you planned, be okay with that.

Keep dreaming.. Channing Tatum still lives there =)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Air Freshener Fail.

The best part about being new to blogging is all the time I spend looking at other blogs. I've found so many that I love for a zillion different reasons.

 

 

I LOVE Our Homemade Happiness for all of her homemade alternatives for chemical filled household products. I would love to go completely green and use all of my own cleaners, but I've been stuck on Lysol and Windex for so long, the transition is just not that easy. Especially when my husband doesn't exactly see eye to eye on the whole vinegar-based-cleaners-really-work thing. And I wouldn't want to discourage him from helping around the house! =)

 

Anyway, I decided to start with the easy stuff. When I moved to Okinawa, I had a few friends that sold scentsy and I was instantly hooked. I mean like I changed the scents every few days kinda hooked. I haven't been using them lately though, I guess I've just been busy and lazy. And both of my friends have left the island so I haven't had anyone to order from. So, my house hasn't been smelling as Fan-freaking-tastic as it usually does. When I read OHH's post about natural air fresheners, it was a no brainer that I had to try at least one.

 

Again I went for the easy one. Because it was, well.. easy & I had all the supplies on hand already.

 

Boil Water, Fruit and Spices.. How easy!!

 

 

 

I used an orange and lemon and then added a stick of cinnamon and a drop or two of vanilla. I boiled and simmered and IT WORKED. It made my house smell fresh. OHH said to do this on and off for a few days before tossing the goods.

 

Here comes the FAIL part.

 

I followed the instructions. My house smelled great for a while. Until... Tuesday morning. I was getting ready for work and as I was making breakfast I turned on the burner to boil the water. I thought once it was boiling I would turn it down and let it simmer for a half hour or so before I had to leave. And I PROMISED myself I would not forget. I swore I would turn it off when I came back into the kitchen to grab my water.

 

I'm sure you know where this is going.

 

I FORGOT!

 

 

 

Luckily for me I came home on my lunch break...5 hours later! I'm pretty sure my house would have been on fire had I waited any longer. My entire house smelled of charred mess. My smoke alarm also never went off, so I'm pretty sure I need to check those batteries.

 

I'll be trying this again.. but I'm going to wait a bit to let this episode die down. I'm sure I'll be hearing about it for a while!

 

Let me know if you have better luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Typhooning Fun.

 

Typhoon Bolaven has come and gone and I have to say I was a little disappointed. For being the "worst in 13 years," that typhoon was a total bust. It did, however; give us lots of time for nonsense.. and napping. Keegan and I made these cool paper bag monsters with some random craft supplies I found around the house.

 

 

 

They're nothing elaborate, but they satisfied my crazy toddler!

 

 

 

 

And this one is a little blurry, but you get the idea!

 

Typhoon season is from June-November here. That's almost half the year!! So if you have any tips or trick for keeping the wee ones entertained for hours.. and even days on end, I'd love to hear 'em!

 

 

 

 

Joys of "Nesting"

The weekend is finally here! Unfortunately for anyone in Okinawa, a massive typhoon is headed our way.

 

We’re currently in TCCOR-1, you can read more about the different Tropical Cyclone Conditions of Readiness and how they affect military and government personnel, here.

Anyway, since we’re going to be on lock down soon, I decided to take advantage of the time and embrace my nesting urges. I feel like there is still so much to do and our newest little man will be here in just 5 weeks…OR LESS!! I started with Keegan’s room and went through everything in the closet and upper storage areas. This is what his room looked like mid-cleaning session.

 

I know… Odd method, but it works. I literally emptied the closet and storage and then only put back the things I wanted to keep. No worries, the room is back to being clean and much much more organized than before plus I’ve got 2 full bags and a box marked for the thrift store.  

Not only do I throw things about like a mad woman while cleaning, I also spend an unnecessary amount of time looking at all the cool things I forgot about; my favorite being my old journals. I found one that dates 2004-2008 and spent TWO WHOLE HOURS just flipping through it. It was a good blast from the past.

 I laughed at a lot of them, but this one made me smile and maybe tear up a little bit, but we won’t go there.

 

I can’t believe that was almost 6 years ago! That little baby girl is starting Kindergarten in about a week. She looks like her mama with a little extra tan. Her crinkled-nose smile gets me every time. She is smart and spunky, and a little bit like me. I wish we lived closer!

As for the rest of my nesting, I plan to spread it out throughout the storm and then the rest of the week. This house will be baby ready by next weekend... and maybe we’ll have an early surprise =)  

I’m so impatient, one can only hope for such things!

 

 

 

 

Pictures are important.

My family and I are going to get Maternity pictures done today and I’m really quite excited about it. I actually won the photo shoot in a giveaway through the photographer’s facebook page (check out Simply Ania, I’ll be sure to post some of today's shots when they're available). Anyway, I was telling my dad about getting pictures done and he thought I ought to just wait until the baby was born and then have them done. I’m going to do both, but he seemed to think that was kind of pointless. I don’t. I think pictures are important. And if I could, I’d have them done professionally every month. Okay, maybe not every month, but at least every six. Unfortunately, my budget just doesn’t cut it.

(UPDATE: Here is a preveiw of some Maternity shots)

I’ve always been a photo fanatic but today I really thought about why. Why are they important to me? Photos capture the moment, they save a memory. If for some reason I don’t make it to tomorrow, I want my children to remember me. I want them to remember the love I have for them. I want them to see how happy I am when they are around. And if I make it to the day my great-great grandchildren are born, then that’s just wonderful and I’ll have a stockpile of photos ranging from incredibly beautiful to extremely embarrassing and I promise to share every single one of them!

 “A picture is worth a thousand words,” they really are and yet sometimes I find myself speechless looking at photos. I look at pictures from the day Keegan was born and it sometimes brings tears to my eyes. I love that day, and I’m so glad I have pictures to document it. Someday I’ll show Keegan and he can see just how happy we were to have him, to bring him home, and to have him brighten our lives. You can see that in a picture. I can look at those photos and feel what I felt that day. I can hardly believe that was almost two years ago. And I know in 10 years, I’ll find myself baffled that 12 years flew by.

I don’t have many photos, other than school yearbooks, pre-dating high-school. And I do not have a single family photo from when I was a kid. Not one. I don’t think such a thing even exists. My dad isn’t much of a camera man, for whatever reason, but he won’t be around forever. One can only hope that God will give us plenty of time to make memories, but nothing is guaranteed. And if he were to go tomorrow, I would have no photos to show my children. Keegan has only met him once, at nine months old, and the new baby has obviously never met him.  That doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for making memories, and at such a young age, how much will they really remember?

So, I will take my maternity pictures today and I will take newborn pictures when the baby is here. I will take family photos every year and I will take snapshots with my own camera every day of my life because I want to remember this. And I want my kids to remember this. And their kids to remember this.  Unfortunately, our lives won’t last forever, but photos… photos are timeless, and there will be plenty that will outlive me by many, many years and I can only hope that my children, their children, their grand-children, and so-on will someday cherish those photos just as I do.

 

"Jack of All Trades, Master of None" : That's OKAY!

Whoever coined the term, “Jack of all trades, master of none” must have known me in some strange distant way. Believe it or not, I had only heard that term for the first time about a year ago! Is that crazy? I had heard “Jack of all trades,” but hearing the “master of none” part spoke to me with flashing lights and wailing sirens. That’s me!!

For the longest time I’ve struggled with the fact that I have no passion. There is no one thing in my life that takes center stage. I haven’t been doing, collecting, or practicing anything for an insane amount of years. There just isn’t anything that I absolutely have to do every week, month or year without having withdrawals and for some reason this bothered me. I’ve tried really hard to dive into things like cooking, baking, crocheting, various sports (I’ve tried dozens!), and tons of other classic hobbies. Each one came and went as another phase or craze.

My husband will gladly share plenty of very true and slightly embarrassing stories from what he calls my “hippie days,” when I was working at a summer camp and decided I needed to rock the surfer look, become a vegetarian (which last about 3 months… all I ate was pasta!), and thought it was okay to only shower bi-weekly.. what?! I swam in a chlorinated pool… that gets you clean enough, right? ..Yea, it was that intense.

Yes, that's me on the left.

That wig may have been a one-time deal,

but those shades, bracelets, beads, and headbands

were daily accessories for the entire summer! =)

Keep Calm and Surf On, Dude!

I would say all of the phases I went through were “intense” while they lasted. Or at least I was very interested and passionate about them for the time being. I once baked 5 cheesecakes from scratch in one day! If you’ve never made a real, from scratch, home-made cheesecake, just know that it takes forever! And the cleaning up part takes even longer. I can’t be sure that there still isn’t dried, crusty, cheesecake splatter somewhere in that apartment. But that’s beside the point.

The point is, I spent so much time searching for that one thing that I could be passionate about FOREVER, that I never realized how passionate I was about the things I was doing at the moment. I mean, that’s what really counts right? I can’t expect myself to be a dedicated Olympic athlete, or a TV worthy cook like Rachael Ray or Paula Deen (although it would be completely cool, and I have some serious respect for anyone who can master something).

All I can do is be my best and love what I’m doing, even if it only lasts a few weeks, or months.

Now that I’ve come to that realization and totally believe in it, I’m having one of those, “Yea! Why didn’t I think of that before!” moments. I’m not my 100% best every day, and yes I still do things that I don’t totally love, but for the most part I find myself pouring my heart into even the little things I do. So I may not yet be a master of any trade and I may never become one, but I certainly know and have done a little bit of this and a little bit of that.  I have laughed and loved all along the way and I’ll be perfectly fine if I never find a permanent niche.